There Are No Winners

So I got busted for blogging. It's a felony offense in this shtetl and comes with the harsh sentence of listening to a rambling rebbe scold you for 30 minutes, magically not needing to pause for breaths, along with a public shaming and calling in to question wether or not you're actually even Jewish. There was even talk of making me do a geirus lchimroh! Luckily I pleaded with the judge and got my sentenced reduced for good behavior.

But.......

I'm back! I won the battle for the blog against my husband and managed to talk him into getting us a computer and a connection so that I won't get caught again in a cafe. Not a lot has been happening since I've last updated, other than nearly getting kicked out of life here. Sometimes I dream of being more involved with the world, and society, but then I read the news about the horrible things happening in France and other places, and in those moments I am glad to retreat to my little bubble, and go walk to the bakery on Wallabout st, truly without a care. For now...

A Tale of Two Shpitzys

I received my very first creepy email on here. Yay milestones! The email was supposed to serve as some sort of warning of what I will look like in the future if I keep blogging. Apparently there was another shpitzle blogger a few years ago, who started off with observations about her life and ended up chronicling her whole journey out of the Hasidic life and into a seemingly happier secular one. This mystery emailer included a link to her blog and I was able to read through many, but not all, of her posts and here is why I'm not worried.

Let me start by saying these are all assumptions and I do not know her at all, or even her name actually. This is simply what I gathered from reading her blog. It seems she wasn't ever fully comfortable or happy in the probably- Satmar life she grew up in. While she definitely had happy moments, she didn't seem inherently happy to be living such a life. The fact that she blogged is not what lead to her leaving. It may be one small factor, but it is definitely not the thing that caused her to break out. There were many contributing factors that we will never know and are none of our business.

And I'm not upset or sad or scared that she left Hasidic life. My only hope is that she didn't also shed her belief in G-d. We were not created to be miserable, and I believe that if she has found her true happiness in a secular life then she will be blessed. Many different types of people were created, and this lifestyle is not for everyone. I personally love this life, and while that doesn't mean it's perfect or always easy, it means that I've chosen it for me.

From one shpitzle to another: I am so sorry you were hurt by misguided people and hope your wounds are healing each day. Don't forget that some of us are still really good and will love you in seams or in jeans, doesn't matter! And most importantly don't forget about the One who created you and loves you most of all. I wish you happiness and wholeness that goes beyond this world.

Cup Yours

Why open a coffee shop in a neighborhood FULL of mommies with strollers if you don't want them to come inside? Husband and I love to get coffee together in the morning and spend some time talking before he has to go to work. Sometimes we like to break from our usual bakery and go to a slightly fancier cafe style place nearby. Without failing, every single time we go, they see us come in and make a big deal about our stroller and ask if we can leave it outside. Sorry, I'm not going to leave my sleeping baby outside and I'm sure NOT going to wake him up! I should mention too that this is a single bassinet stroller, not a giant double stroller. After we promise them we will stay out of their precious way, they proceed to treat us like shtus and make our time there as uncomfortable as possible. They are clearly trying to keep us "breeders" (as I heard one of the waiters say) out of their restaurant. Which is why my husband and I still go there. Perhaps it's a chance to be a rebel and enjoy delicious coffee at the same time. They are glatt kosher, so I'm really not sure who they are trying to appeal to. It's almost always got a few hipster types inside, who are usually very friendly, but if they didn't want us over breeding Jews to come in, they shouldn't have made it kosher.

Another Shpitzle in the Crowd

As I sit here with one baby in my arm, one in my stomach, and many others running through my mind, I can't believe I am writing a blog. I never thought my limited english education would be used for this. The other day I asked my husband how you could say the word "blog" in Yiddish. At hearing this apparently absurd question, he suddenly looked over at me and nervously laughed it off.

What am I hoping to get out of this? I don't know. Maybe I'm just looking to talk to grown people, instead of talking to kinderlach all day. A few years ago a goyishe woman approached me on Lee Avenue and confessed that she was sooo interested to learn about "ultra orthodox jewish life" (what does that even mean and why does everyone call it that?) and that she was fascinated by what she saw every day as a cashier in the shtetl Williamsburg Brooklyn. Maybe I'm also looking to answer her questions, which I couldn't do at the time. She was looking to be my friend, and as much as I wanted to, I couldn't risk being seen running around town with this woman on my arm. What would it do to my shidduch chances? What would people think? Even worse: What would people say?

So in some ways this blog is dedicated to her. I do hope by fate someday she finds this blog or even finds me again on the street. Though she will probably not recognize me without my long brown hair. So here is my blog where I don't have to worry about what anyone thinks or says. Take it or leave it. Though I hope you will take it and stay around for the laughs, the crys, and the various observations to be made on this "ultra orthodox" life.